"I've got a bit of a situation, I need to see her."
Growing up, you believe the first time you fall in love will be just like all those sappy rom-coms you watched every night before bed. A "meet-cute" scenario, followed by a slight hiccup in your love journey, then one of you attempts a courageous act to proclaim your love for the other person, they succeed, and then you live happily ever after. I for one truly believed that this would be the case when I fell in love for the first time.
Jesus, was I wrong.
Let me explain.
As an almost 25 year old young woman in the prime of her life, you'd think by now I would have experienced at least a few different love stories of my own. I mean, by the time I was 21, I had people telling me I must be "beating off boys with a stick", and "look at you, you're beautiful, blonde, talented...surely you've met someone by now?!". Well, due to my incredible lack of allure and 20 years of intense insecurity about my appearance & personality, I haven't quite managed to find anyone who's willing to give this numpty a try.
That is, until April this year.
But this story starts a bit further back than that. To fully understand, I'll need to give you a brief run down of my past "flirtations" with boys...this shouldn't take too long.
Believe it or not, I seem to have a knack for breaking up relationships without knowingly doing so. For real! There have been at least 3 men who have ended their relationships with wonderful women because of me. Yet, none of them have ever actually attempted to start a new relationship with the woman who they supposedly gave up everything for. Since the age of 16, men have used me as a scapegoat for relationships that were just not progressing in their favour. For instance, let's travel back to 2011, where a friend, who was significantly older than me, invited me for a drink one evening to have a "catch up". We had met through our amateur dramatics society, and hadn't seen each other for a while, and it was no secret that the two of us, although were great friends, always had a sneaky little feeling of butterflies when around each other. He, however, had two different girlfriends in the time period of us meeting.
Walking into the restaurant, I had no reason to feel nervous or suspicious. After all, he was kind, funny, and we got on really well, and we'd gone for "drinks" multiple times in the past. Only this time, we were meeting alone. We sat down at a table, began to chat, and exchanged pleasantries. But then, I noticed the tone of the conversation shift. Looking uncomfortable, when I asked how his current relationship was going, he replied:
"Errr, so we're kind of not together anymore. I caught her reading your tweets, and she said that I wasn't allowed to see you anymore."
Yep. Wow.
First of all, I'd never met this girl in my life. Secondly, my twitter feed at the age of 16 was pretty much my ramblings about whichever Glee episode was on that week. He proceeded to tell me that she was "jealous" of me, and that it was because I was "attractive and funny". Shuffling awkwardly in my seat, my gaze shifted down to my knees, where it stayed for the majority of the evening. Sixteen year old me had never been called "attractive" in her life, apart from one time at a school lunchtime, when a boy in Year 8 told her that she "looked quite fit now" that she had her braces taken off.
"Well, that's awkward..." I whispered.
What was I supposed to say to that? I hadn't done anything wrong, yet I had somehow ruined a relationship I had no part in! The rest of the evening continued with this guy asking me out repeatedly, albeit indirectly. My heart wanted to say yes so badly, but my head kept saying "he's 24, you're 16...you're just a rebound. You don't want your first relationship to be surrounded by the fact you were never his first choice, do you?"
Lying in bed that night, I was overcome with the feeling of shame, yet I had no reason to feel shameful. I'd done nothing, yet to this girl who was so unknown to me, I was the cause of so much heartache. I swore to myself I'd never be anyone's "other woman" and to never be anyone's "second choice".
Sorry, sixteen year old Georgia...you didn't keep your promise.
Flash forward to 2015; during that four year period, I'd still not managed to quite find anyone who suited my affections. After all, I'd been single for, well, 20 years, it was going to take someone really special to change that.
Enter someone new, let's call him...Buttons. Weird name choice, I know, but it'll make sense in a moment.
Upon meeting Buttons, I was completely enthralled by him. Not only was he attractive, he was incredibly witty, cheeky and super friendly. He could walk into any room and command attention without even uttering a word, and those traits, I discovered, were all "my type on paper".
We had the privilege of working together abroad for three separate contracts, and as each trip concluded, I felt myself falling for him more and more. Our friendship was truly innocent, we relied on each other daily for entertainment and personal therapy sessions. By the time the third contract began, we were best friends, and everyone around us could tell that this could develop into something more. And GOD, did I want it to turn into something more. There was just one slight issue...
...he had a girlfriend waiting for him back home.
Please don't get me wrong, neither of us ever purposely tried to get closer to one another, it just happened naturally. When you're abroad for 3 months with the same people everyday, relationships tend to bloom, and ours just so happened to go from friendly banter...into "flirty" banter.
One night, near the end of the trip, we finally sat down and discussed what to do about this "situation". He'd expressed to me when we first started getting closer that his relationship with his girlfriend was not going well, and that when we were to return after Christmas, he was going to break up with her. That night, I stuck to sixteen year old Georgia's wishes, and told him:
"If you break up with her, then in time, I think you and I can give it a try. But I think you need some time on your own first..."
To which, he agreed. Little did I know, that was the last conversation the two of us would have as "friends". And no, this doesn't end with a happy ending. Stupid Buttons.
I won't go into detail as to why things with Buttons never matriculated, but I will say this as a PSA to everyone reading this:
Never, I repeat, NEVER think you can get away with inappropriate picture sending. Especially when you send it to someone who is underage.
"Bye Buttons!" Cinderella called, as she continued her search for her Prince Charming.
And now, we reach the third chapter of this story. Hold onto your hats, because this one is a juicy one.
Since Buttons, there have been a few princes and jesters that have waltzed into this princesses life. However, it was a classic tale of unrequited love...for both me AND the boys involved. Two princes proved that they were born to be charming, not sincere. And another poor Buttons didn't quite win Cinders heart, despite his hard efforts.
One very interesting interaction happened with a Huntsman, of all people. No, really! When I first met him, we were doing a fairytale inspired photoshoot and he was dressed as a huntsman. He invited me for a drink, turned up 45 minutes late, and then proceeded to tell me that he'd just started seeing someone, but that we could still "give it a try".
Happily ever after felt so far, far away; it got to a point where this princess decided to save herself for once. She stopped actively looking for love, and focused on her career and her well-being. As RuPaul says: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?"
2018 was the year for self love, and if this princess was to kiss one or two frogs, they better be pretty damn special. Sixteen year old me would've been incredibly proud of herself. At this point, three different men had offered me the opportunity to be their "bit on the side", but I am no sidekick. I am the main attraction. I am no one's second choice.
They say when you find "the one", you do anything and everything you can to keep them. After all, will you ever find anyone as perfect for you as they are? When they're charming, funny, witty, smart, gorgeous, hardworking, and to top it all off, they have all of those same exact feelings for you? What more could you possibly want?
Well, in my case, for them to actually be available. That would be a good start.
Just like the above stories, meeting this guy unknowingly changed my life, and my heart, forever. Upon meeting him, I knew first hand that he was not available, which after some Facebook stalking, was a little gut wrenching. Looks-wise, he was my type to a T! But still, he seemed like a really nice guy, and we seemed to have a lot in common, so I respected his unavailability, and decided that friendship was where this was at.
With that in mind, our acquaintanceship evolved into "besties" territory pretty quickly. Our parents had actually known each other for many years; heck, we even used to play together when we were little, yet life drew us apart, only to be reunited 23 years later.
He became my confidant, my personal problem solver, my coffee buddy in the mornings! We discussed everything from work, to relationships, to even discussing what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. Amazingly, I now had a new friend in my life that was for sure going to hang around for a while.
Nevertheless, my apparent wit and body language somehow managed to charm this guy into a completely different territory. Unknowingly, by being myself, he started to develop feelings a little deeper than friendship for me...and when I say "unknowingly", I mean neither of us had a feckin' clue that the two of us fancied each other. It wasn't until another cast member mentioned it to me by the poolside did I even consider it as an option.
"But, he has a girlfriend!" I cried.
"That doesn't matter, he clearly likes you!"
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!
Frustrated, I shot down that notion pretty fast. I didn't need another name added to the ever-growing list of unavailable men. Maybe it was only my cast-mate who noticed, maybe because I hadn't even considered him as an alternative, I was just panicking over nothing. He'd never said anything to me to even insinuate that he had feelings for me?
Although, he always offered to share taxi rides with me. But that could just be because he enjoys my company.
Christmas came and went, and we sadly went our separate ways. But not before promising to see each other very soon. Besides, we were panto besties! And nothing could ruin that bond...could it?
Growing up, you believe the first time you fall in love will be just like all those sappy rom-coms you watched every night before bed. A "meet-cute" scenario, followed by a slight hiccup in your love journey, then one of you attempts a courageous act to proclaim your love for the other person, they succeed, and then you live happily ever after. I for one truly believed that this would be the case when I fell in love for the first time.
Jesus, was I wrong.
Let me explain.
As an almost 25 year old young woman in the prime of her life, you'd think by now I would have experienced at least a few different love stories of my own. I mean, by the time I was 21, I had people telling me I must be "beating off boys with a stick", and "look at you, you're beautiful, blonde, talented...surely you've met someone by now?!". Well, due to my incredible lack of allure and 20 years of intense insecurity about my appearance & personality, I haven't quite managed to find anyone who's willing to give this numpty a try.
That is, until April this year.
But this story starts a bit further back than that. To fully understand, I'll need to give you a brief run down of my past "flirtations" with boys...this shouldn't take too long.
Believe it or not, I seem to have a knack for breaking up relationships without knowingly doing so. For real! There have been at least 3 men who have ended their relationships with wonderful women because of me. Yet, none of them have ever actually attempted to start a new relationship with the woman who they supposedly gave up everything for. Since the age of 16, men have used me as a scapegoat for relationships that were just not progressing in their favour. For instance, let's travel back to 2011, where a friend, who was significantly older than me, invited me for a drink one evening to have a "catch up". We had met through our amateur dramatics society, and hadn't seen each other for a while, and it was no secret that the two of us, although were great friends, always had a sneaky little feeling of butterflies when around each other. He, however, had two different girlfriends in the time period of us meeting.
Walking into the restaurant, I had no reason to feel nervous or suspicious. After all, he was kind, funny, and we got on really well, and we'd gone for "drinks" multiple times in the past. Only this time, we were meeting alone. We sat down at a table, began to chat, and exchanged pleasantries. But then, I noticed the tone of the conversation shift. Looking uncomfortable, when I asked how his current relationship was going, he replied:
"Errr, so we're kind of not together anymore. I caught her reading your tweets, and she said that I wasn't allowed to see you anymore."
Yep. Wow.
First of all, I'd never met this girl in my life. Secondly, my twitter feed at the age of 16 was pretty much my ramblings about whichever Glee episode was on that week. He proceeded to tell me that she was "jealous" of me, and that it was because I was "attractive and funny". Shuffling awkwardly in my seat, my gaze shifted down to my knees, where it stayed for the majority of the evening. Sixteen year old me had never been called "attractive" in her life, apart from one time at a school lunchtime, when a boy in Year 8 told her that she "looked quite fit now" that she had her braces taken off.
"Well, that's awkward..." I whispered.
What was I supposed to say to that? I hadn't done anything wrong, yet I had somehow ruined a relationship I had no part in! The rest of the evening continued with this guy asking me out repeatedly, albeit indirectly. My heart wanted to say yes so badly, but my head kept saying "he's 24, you're 16...you're just a rebound. You don't want your first relationship to be surrounded by the fact you were never his first choice, do you?"
Lying in bed that night, I was overcome with the feeling of shame, yet I had no reason to feel shameful. I'd done nothing, yet to this girl who was so unknown to me, I was the cause of so much heartache. I swore to myself I'd never be anyone's "other woman" and to never be anyone's "second choice".
Sorry, sixteen year old Georgia...you didn't keep your promise.
---
Flash forward to 2015; during that four year period, I'd still not managed to quite find anyone who suited my affections. After all, I'd been single for, well, 20 years, it was going to take someone really special to change that.
Enter someone new, let's call him...Buttons. Weird name choice, I know, but it'll make sense in a moment.
Upon meeting Buttons, I was completely enthralled by him. Not only was he attractive, he was incredibly witty, cheeky and super friendly. He could walk into any room and command attention without even uttering a word, and those traits, I discovered, were all "my type on paper".
We had the privilege of working together abroad for three separate contracts, and as each trip concluded, I felt myself falling for him more and more. Our friendship was truly innocent, we relied on each other daily for entertainment and personal therapy sessions. By the time the third contract began, we were best friends, and everyone around us could tell that this could develop into something more. And GOD, did I want it to turn into something more. There was just one slight issue...
...he had a girlfriend waiting for him back home.
Please don't get me wrong, neither of us ever purposely tried to get closer to one another, it just happened naturally. When you're abroad for 3 months with the same people everyday, relationships tend to bloom, and ours just so happened to go from friendly banter...into "flirty" banter.
One night, near the end of the trip, we finally sat down and discussed what to do about this "situation". He'd expressed to me when we first started getting closer that his relationship with his girlfriend was not going well, and that when we were to return after Christmas, he was going to break up with her. That night, I stuck to sixteen year old Georgia's wishes, and told him:
"If you break up with her, then in time, I think you and I can give it a try. But I think you need some time on your own first..."
To which, he agreed. Little did I know, that was the last conversation the two of us would have as "friends". And no, this doesn't end with a happy ending. Stupid Buttons.
I won't go into detail as to why things with Buttons never matriculated, but I will say this as a PSA to everyone reading this:
Never, I repeat, NEVER think you can get away with inappropriate picture sending. Especially when you send it to someone who is underage.
"Bye Buttons!" Cinderella called, as she continued her search for her Prince Charming.
---
Since Buttons, there have been a few princes and jesters that have waltzed into this princesses life. However, it was a classic tale of unrequited love...for both me AND the boys involved. Two princes proved that they were born to be charming, not sincere. And another poor Buttons didn't quite win Cinders heart, despite his hard efforts.
One very interesting interaction happened with a Huntsman, of all people. No, really! When I first met him, we were doing a fairytale inspired photoshoot and he was dressed as a huntsman. He invited me for a drink, turned up 45 minutes late, and then proceeded to tell me that he'd just started seeing someone, but that we could still "give it a try".
Happily ever after felt so far, far away; it got to a point where this princess decided to save herself for once. She stopped actively looking for love, and focused on her career and her well-being. As RuPaul says: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?"
2018 was the year for self love, and if this princess was to kiss one or two frogs, they better be pretty damn special. Sixteen year old me would've been incredibly proud of herself. At this point, three different men had offered me the opportunity to be their "bit on the side", but I am no sidekick. I am the main attraction. I am no one's second choice.
They say when you find "the one", you do anything and everything you can to keep them. After all, will you ever find anyone as perfect for you as they are? When they're charming, funny, witty, smart, gorgeous, hardworking, and to top it all off, they have all of those same exact feelings for you? What more could you possibly want?
Well, in my case, for them to actually be available. That would be a good start.
Just like the above stories, meeting this guy unknowingly changed my life, and my heart, forever. Upon meeting him, I knew first hand that he was not available, which after some Facebook stalking, was a little gut wrenching. Looks-wise, he was my type to a T! But still, he seemed like a really nice guy, and we seemed to have a lot in common, so I respected his unavailability, and decided that friendship was where this was at.
With that in mind, our acquaintanceship evolved into "besties" territory pretty quickly. Our parents had actually known each other for many years; heck, we even used to play together when we were little, yet life drew us apart, only to be reunited 23 years later.
He became my confidant, my personal problem solver, my coffee buddy in the mornings! We discussed everything from work, to relationships, to even discussing what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. Amazingly, I now had a new friend in my life that was for sure going to hang around for a while.
Nevertheless, my apparent wit and body language somehow managed to charm this guy into a completely different territory. Unknowingly, by being myself, he started to develop feelings a little deeper than friendship for me...and when I say "unknowingly", I mean neither of us had a feckin' clue that the two of us fancied each other. It wasn't until another cast member mentioned it to me by the poolside did I even consider it as an option.
"But, he has a girlfriend!" I cried.
"That doesn't matter, he clearly likes you!"
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!
Frustrated, I shot down that notion pretty fast. I didn't need another name added to the ever-growing list of unavailable men. Maybe it was only my cast-mate who noticed, maybe because I hadn't even considered him as an alternative, I was just panicking over nothing. He'd never said anything to me to even insinuate that he had feelings for me?
Although, he always offered to share taxi rides with me. But that could just be because he enjoys my company.
Christmas came and went, and we sadly went our separate ways. But not before promising to see each other very soon. Besides, we were panto besties! And nothing could ruin that bond...could it?
---
You know that part in the story where the princess has a curse placed upon her? One that can only be broken by an act of true love? Well, we've reached the part of the story where the princess actually realizes that she's been cursed, and just gives in to it. She's tired of fighting against it, and thinks, maybe if I just give in to it, maybe it'll bring me to my true love...like Sleeping Beauty, when she pricks her finger...she opens her eyes to find a handsome prince! Maybe my story can be as simple as that?
Well, life's not like a fairytale, is it. Giving in to my "curse" only caused more pain, and honestly...I feel more like a villain than a princess.
Lesson learnt, I guess? Maybe I'm meant to be in second place. I'm apparently very good at it.
What happens now, I ask myself. Well, it looks like I'm going to be kissing a lot of frogs, maybe some toads, heck, I'd even give any amphibian a chance at this point. If my first real heartbreak has taught me anything, it's that even the "good guys" have bad qualities, it just depends on how bad they are...and are they worth the pain. I can't wait to find out!
Well, life's not like a fairytale, is it. Giving in to my "curse" only caused more pain, and honestly...I feel more like a villain than a princess.
Lesson learnt, I guess? Maybe I'm meant to be in second place. I'm apparently very good at it.
What happens now, I ask myself. Well, it looks like I'm going to be kissing a lot of frogs, maybe some toads, heck, I'd even give any amphibian a chance at this point. If my first real heartbreak has taught me anything, it's that even the "good guys" have bad qualities, it just depends on how bad they are...and are they worth the pain. I can't wait to find out!
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