2020 is here, friends. Can you believe we've made it this far?
A few years ago, I made a post about my "New Years Resolutions" for 2017. And in that post, I spoke about how my main resolution was to acknowledge how much I had grown in 2016, and to remember that every choice I had made in 2016 was for a reason, and every decision has made me who I am today, so why would I want a "new me"?
Well, that was when I thought 2016 was the worst year of my life. In some ways, it still is. However, when it compares to 2019...well girl, let me tell ya...if I thought I'd grown in 2016, 2019 turned me into a totally new & evolved species.
This year, I experienced new things that most people experience in their late teens. I'm a 25 year old woman, who this year, experienced true heart break for the first time. (How many times can I say "experience" in one sentence?! It seems quite a lot.) Don't get me wrong, the year was wonderful in regards to everything else.
2019 for me meant travelling to a brand new country that the media had conveyed to be extremely dangerous, when in reality, it just has its own culture that they want protected.
Twice I visited this country, and twice, I had a fantastic time. If you go with an open mind, ready to accept their rules and respect the culture that they live and breathe, then everyone would love it. I learned SO much, and met so many wonderful locals who were so friendly and accepting of the western ideologies that we represented. That said, was I nervous? Absolutely! But thankfully, part of the reason I went was to meet and perform to the families and children of said country, all of which were so excited to get to know us, and show us how open to us they were.
Ok, I'll just say it. I went to Saudi Arabia. And it was beautiful.
I mean, at one point I did get locked in a Starbucks during prayer time right before our opening performance...but that was my own stupid fault for being desperate for a coffee.
Overall, my trips to Riyadh and Jubail were truly an experience I will never forget, and now that they are allowing tourists to visit, I highly recommend it.
2019 also gave me the fantastic opportunity to play my absolute DREAM ROLE of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde the Musical. Anyone that has known me throughout the last decade knows that I had been preparing to play this role since the age of 13. The entirety of the Broadway production was on repeat on YouTube on my dads computer, the soundtrack was on blast during any car journey, even if the journey was only 5 minutes long. I knew every line, every harmony, every dramatic pause...I was ready to play this role at any given moment, and after a failed audition with TWODS, who I'd previously played many a lead role with before...Bullfrog Productions, another lovely company who have given me many a chance to play other dream roles, gave me the greatest gift of all time: allowing me to take on the lead in this mammoth production. And blimey, did I have the best time.
For anyone intrigued, here's a cheeky video of the Act 1 closing number:
Typing the above paragraph unleashed major post show blues, so that's all I'm going to say about Legally Blonde, just know: it was my release during a very difficult time emotionally for me.
Which brings me back to the "heartbreak" thing. If you haven't read my previous post, please do check it out here! The post itself explains the lead up to the broken heart epidemic, but what about afterwards?
Genuinely, I don't want to talk about the heart-breaker in question, because he has already taken up most of my time during 2019. What I do want to talk about, however, is what I've learned about myself because of him.
Strength; something I never knew just how much of it I possessed. Most nights, I would lay awake in my bed, desperate for him to reach out to me; for him to suddenly realise how much he needed, and wanted me. "Why couldn't he see how much I cared about him?" Questions circled around in my head on repeat until I would finally doze off with tears still streaming down my cheeks. And yet, from what he could see, I was fine. Absolutely unfazed by his choices. People around me who knew what had happened would congratulate me, tell me how brave I was, how above the situation I was being, how strong I was. Friends who knew how much I was hurting were so proud of me, by taking my pain and using it productively. Rather than shrivel into nothing, I took the pain and became unstoppable. Sure, every night it would hit me like a brick again, but after some time, the hit wasn't so intense. It became expected, and I began to prepare myself for it.
Instead of locking myself away, I arranged for my social life to be thriving. See friends for coffee, go to the gym with my sister, or alone. Walk absolutely anywhere with my "power anthems" playlist blasting in my ears. I got a new job, one that requires me to be totally focused on nothing but one thing at a time. Treated myself to new clothing & make up, to make myself look and feel beautiful for nobody except myself. Tinder had been downloaded and deleted multiple times throughout the year, you know, just for the banter. And although he was still present in my life throughout the year, slowly but surely, I began to realise how much I deserve better.
2019 taught me that I deserve somebody who will pick me first. I am no one's second choice, I won't be waiting in the wings for my chance in the spotlight of his life. If he wants me, which he has said MULTIPLE times that he does, then he would have me by now. The best revenge: being the one that got away.
With MURDER.
...just kidding.
Thinking back, do I regret any choices I made? Nope. Not in the slightest. Because although the pain had smothered me, it made me fight even harder to stop it. Proving that I can handle anything that is thrown at me maturely and with class. Beat that, buddy.
Overall, 2020 should be interesting, and if you've read this far, you're not only the best, but I hope your 2020 is absolutely amazing, filled with so many adventures and experiences that help you grow into your new self for the new decade.
You can get back to me in 2030 and tell me how it went...can't wait to find out!
A few years ago, I made a post about my "New Years Resolutions" for 2017. And in that post, I spoke about how my main resolution was to acknowledge how much I had grown in 2016, and to remember that every choice I had made in 2016 was for a reason, and every decision has made me who I am today, so why would I want a "new me"?
Well, that was when I thought 2016 was the worst year of my life. In some ways, it still is. However, when it compares to 2019...well girl, let me tell ya...if I thought I'd grown in 2016, 2019 turned me into a totally new & evolved species.
This year, I experienced new things that most people experience in their late teens. I'm a 25 year old woman, who this year, experienced true heart break for the first time. (How many times can I say "experience" in one sentence?! It seems quite a lot.) Don't get me wrong, the year was wonderful in regards to everything else.
2019 for me meant travelling to a brand new country that the media had conveyed to be extremely dangerous, when in reality, it just has its own culture that they want protected.
Twice I visited this country, and twice, I had a fantastic time. If you go with an open mind, ready to accept their rules and respect the culture that they live and breathe, then everyone would love it. I learned SO much, and met so many wonderful locals who were so friendly and accepting of the western ideologies that we represented. That said, was I nervous? Absolutely! But thankfully, part of the reason I went was to meet and perform to the families and children of said country, all of which were so excited to get to know us, and show us how open to us they were.
Ok, I'll just say it. I went to Saudi Arabia. And it was beautiful.
I mean, at one point I did get locked in a Starbucks during prayer time right before our opening performance...but that was my own stupid fault for being desperate for a coffee.
Overall, my trips to Riyadh and Jubail were truly an experience I will never forget, and now that they are allowing tourists to visit, I highly recommend it.
2019 also gave me the fantastic opportunity to play my absolute DREAM ROLE of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde the Musical. Anyone that has known me throughout the last decade knows that I had been preparing to play this role since the age of 13. The entirety of the Broadway production was on repeat on YouTube on my dads computer, the soundtrack was on blast during any car journey, even if the journey was only 5 minutes long. I knew every line, every harmony, every dramatic pause...I was ready to play this role at any given moment, and after a failed audition with TWODS, who I'd previously played many a lead role with before...Bullfrog Productions, another lovely company who have given me many a chance to play other dream roles, gave me the greatest gift of all time: allowing me to take on the lead in this mammoth production. And blimey, did I have the best time.
For anyone intrigued, here's a cheeky video of the Act 1 closing number:
Typing the above paragraph unleashed major post show blues, so that's all I'm going to say about Legally Blonde, just know: it was my release during a very difficult time emotionally for me.
Which brings me back to the "heartbreak" thing. If you haven't read my previous post, please do check it out here! The post itself explains the lead up to the broken heart epidemic, but what about afterwards?
Genuinely, I don't want to talk about the heart-breaker in question, because he has already taken up most of my time during 2019. What I do want to talk about, however, is what I've learned about myself because of him.
Strength; something I never knew just how much of it I possessed. Most nights, I would lay awake in my bed, desperate for him to reach out to me; for him to suddenly realise how much he needed, and wanted me. "Why couldn't he see how much I cared about him?" Questions circled around in my head on repeat until I would finally doze off with tears still streaming down my cheeks. And yet, from what he could see, I was fine. Absolutely unfazed by his choices. People around me who knew what had happened would congratulate me, tell me how brave I was, how above the situation I was being, how strong I was. Friends who knew how much I was hurting were so proud of me, by taking my pain and using it productively. Rather than shrivel into nothing, I took the pain and became unstoppable. Sure, every night it would hit me like a brick again, but after some time, the hit wasn't so intense. It became expected, and I began to prepare myself for it.
Instead of locking myself away, I arranged for my social life to be thriving. See friends for coffee, go to the gym with my sister, or alone. Walk absolutely anywhere with my "power anthems" playlist blasting in my ears. I got a new job, one that requires me to be totally focused on nothing but one thing at a time. Treated myself to new clothing & make up, to make myself look and feel beautiful for nobody except myself. Tinder had been downloaded and deleted multiple times throughout the year, you know, just for the banter. And although he was still present in my life throughout the year, slowly but surely, I began to realise how much I deserve better.
2019 taught me that I deserve somebody who will pick me first. I am no one's second choice, I won't be waiting in the wings for my chance in the spotlight of his life. If he wants me, which he has said MULTIPLE times that he does, then he would have me by now. The best revenge: being the one that got away.
With MURDER.
...just kidding.
Thinking back, do I regret any choices I made? Nope. Not in the slightest. Because although the pain had smothered me, it made me fight even harder to stop it. Proving that I can handle anything that is thrown at me maturely and with class. Beat that, buddy.
Overall, 2020 should be interesting, and if you've read this far, you're not only the best, but I hope your 2020 is absolutely amazing, filled with so many adventures and experiences that help you grow into your new self for the new decade.
You can get back to me in 2030 and tell me how it went...can't wait to find out!
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